I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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