worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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