You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
