Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
