She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
