Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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