I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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