There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
