Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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