I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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