i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
