im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
