I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
