i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
