White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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