btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
