i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
