that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
