Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
