As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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