You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
