i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
