the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
