he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
