i used baking grease as lip gloss
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize