I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
