He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
