happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
