Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
