dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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