so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
