You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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