Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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