someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
