I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
