My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I lost the right to judge tonight
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
