it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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