marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize