If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
