think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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