So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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