I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you would pick up someone in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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