Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
