i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
