Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
