She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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