it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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