It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
