I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
