you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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