there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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