I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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