So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
