this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
