your thong is hanging out like whoa
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
