on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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