Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
