Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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