so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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