My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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