Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Bring me that man meat
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
