you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
