are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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