strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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