If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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